As a new year approaches, I, like many people, start thinking about change and habits for the new year. Historically, I’ve disliked the concept of a New Year’s resolution. I’ve often thought, “Why does anyone need to wait until January 1st to start something new?” However, I realize that the beginning of a new year is a solid marker in time to work from. And while I already started my “new year’s resolutions” before the new year, I’m writing this post to share some thoughts I have for others.
Change Doesn’t Have to Be Difficult
Many of us do not like change. Change can require us to leave our comfort zones while putting in effort, even when we are not sure of the return on investment. If we can at least recognize that a change could interrupt bad habits or increase our quality of life by even one percent, we should at least investigate it.
The Neurochemical Loop Audit
Recently, I published an article about the neurochemicals involved in destructive behavior loops. I have subsequently created a worksheet I initially intended to use with my clients but have since thought to share it with all. The Neurochemical Loop Audit Worksheet is a practical tool for identifying destructive loops and replacing them with rhythms that support human flourishing.
This worksheet can be completed offline and privately. I recommend you take some time alone with a notebook, a pen, and the worksheet to begin the work. “But I don’t have any destructive behavior loops,” you say. None of us thinks we do until we examine ourselves closely. And that is what the worksheet is designed to do.
Identifying Destructive Loops
Before you even start the worksheet, look at this list of destructive behaviors and see if you or anyone else has noticed these in you.
- Drinking too much
- Drunk driving
- Putting yourself in risky or dangerous situations
- Ignoring bodily needs for movement, nutrition, hydration, etc.
- Pulling continuous all-nighters or otherwise denying yourself adequate sleep
- Mindless or endless social media scrolling
- Watching too much TV
- Engaging in risky sexual behavior
- Cycling through toxic relationships
- Cheating
- Hurting people you love
- Denying your own needs or wants
- Procrastinating
- Taking on more than you can possibly handle
- Excessive spending or spending money you don’t have
- Endless ruminating or dwelling on past mistakes
- Negative self-talk
- Impulsive decision-making
- Isolating yourself from your community and loved ones
- Putting yourself in situations that are traumatizing or re-traumatizing
- Ignoring mental health symptoms like anxiety or stress
- Self-harm
- Pornography
List source, https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/self-destructive-behavior
Certainly, there are more, but you get the point. How many of us spend way too much time on social media because we are seeking something novel? Do you find yourself scrolling until you find “that thing” that’s going to make your next 24 hours (or the rest of your life) completely awesome? I know I have. Or perhaps you use pornography to curb your boredom or to take the edge off. Whatever the reasons, your brain is engaging in a loop that needs to be interrupted.
Interrupting Loops
This worksheet is not a self-judgment exercise. It is a pattern-recognition exercise. You are identifying how your nervous system is currently regulating stress, identity, and meaning. The goal is not perfection but clarity. When you work through it slowly and write honestly, you’ll start to gain clarity.
When we consider that we repeat things that not only feel good but, more importantly, regulate us, it changes the conversation. What if you are only eating that particular high-carbohydrate food at night because you feel calmer after doing so? Even though you know that eating right before bed is stressful to your body and detrimental to your sleep hygiene. That’s a destructive pattern. But if you could not only identify the behavior but also identify what the behavior gives you, you have the beginning of a strategy to interrupt it and ultimately replace it with a healthier behavior.
Change Happens Slowly
I cannot count how many times in my younger years when I tried to stop a behavior cold turkey. The outcome was always the same. I decided to stop doing something by removing it or triggers leading to it. I would struggle but press on for a few days to a week before I caved or some external circumstance rerouted me. I would then be discouraged and think, “Who am I kidding? I’m doomed. This is just how it is.”
What I never tried to do in those early attempts to change behavior was to identify the behavior and acknowledge what it provided for me. Identifying the feelings and emotions that come along with the behavior matters. This has to happen before we can even think about changing.
Once we identify the behavior and the feelings, we can decode the neurochemical pattern, and the identify the missing rhythm in our lives. It’s the answers in the neurochemical pattern that we need to identify and change the rhythms.
This isn’t an overnight process. Change happens slowly. Perhaps your first step starts with changing just one trigger or making a phone call when that trigger presents. Through that small change, you can begin to build momentum.
Replacing Rhythms
Every destructive loop points to a missing healthy rhythm. Answer the following:”If this behavior disappeared tomorrow, what discomfort would surface first?” Going back to our list of destructive behaviors, the person who engages in mindless or endless social media scrolling may be trying to avoid boredom because that would mean they would have space to think about things they’ve been avoiding. Or perhaps the person engaging in risky sexual behavior is trying to create a space where they feel alive because of the heightened anticipation and risk of their behavior.
When we identify the neurochemicals and missing rhythms we are seeking, we can begin to develop a strategy to find the healthy alternative behaviors. Below are a few of the listed behaviors and their alternatives.
| Drinking too much | Dopamine, Endorphins | Relief from stress, emotional numbing, social ease | Physical exertion, structured social time, skill-based hobbies, breathwork |
| Drunk driving | Norepinephrine, Dopamine | Risk-induced aliveness, impulsive escape | Controlled risk like training, competition, challenging physical activity |
| Risky or dangerous situations | Norepinephrine, Dopamine | Intensity, feeling alive, control | Adventure sports with boundaries, demanding work projects, leadership roles |
Each behavior is trying to regulate a part of the nervous system. The problem is that we seek low-hanging fruit that has little to no friction.
Your Next Move
Download my worksheet here, grab a notebook, and begin to work your way through it. Be honest with yourself and take the time to really think through your destructive behaviors, not as bad habits but symptoms of what your life may be missing.
Then, when you are ready, reach out for some 1:1 coaching to build strategies around the changes you seek. Your discovery call is free. We’re here when you’re ready.